Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
