i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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