Your face is a jimmy john
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
