I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
