Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize