I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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