i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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