Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
