My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
