I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
