I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
