Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The ass gains better be worth it
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