Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
