I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
