Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
