what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
