just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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