There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
