$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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