So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
