My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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