Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
