In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
