The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
