how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
