I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
