Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!

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(216): View more from Ohio

you turned your livingroom into a bong?

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(251): View more from Alabama

i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it

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(516): View more from New York

I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.

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(812): View more from Indiana

You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...

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