That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
