dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize