Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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