Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
