Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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