Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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