I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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