are you still at the devil's house?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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