I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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