I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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