When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just blew my weed a kiss
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
this hospital has no fireball
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
