Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
