I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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