so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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