No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize