So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When are your genitals available?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
