would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
