She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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