he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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