I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
