I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
