i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
