No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
