You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
