We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
