Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
