I must be too annoying 4 u.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
