tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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