Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
