i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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