We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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