he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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