Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
