Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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