shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize