you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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