my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
