Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
