You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
