remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
