I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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