Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
