happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
